by Johnny Dare
When I first heard about the Beast Riders company on the ‘net’, I was intrigued, to say the least…I mean, hell, what could be better than a putt with your favorite mutt? So when Stacy from Paw Prints asked if I would review the product with my dog Barger, I jumped at the chance!
Step one was fairly simple. I called the folks at Beast Rider and discussed the make and model of my bike, what sort of seat I use and, of course, all of Barger’s measurements.
Step two was a little trickier. Being a pup, Barger doesn’t stay still for long, period, let alone long enough for me to take his measurements…but a few “Greenies” later; he decided to see it my way.
After that, the wait was on! It took about three weeks for the package to arrive as they make each Beast Rider by hand. I couldn’t believe how well they are made! Hand-stitched, top grade leather, quality buckles; the workmanship is second to none.
I opened the box and took out Barger’s hand-made harness, K-Noggles and the Beastrider seat…then I actually took a few minutes to read the instructions. Yes, it’s true. I read the instructions! I put the Beastrider on the floor next to Barger’s crate, and he got right in and laid down!
Step three was letting Barger get used to the harness and the seat. And after a few days of me telling him that he looked like Rob Halford of Judas Priest in his leathers, we were ready to move on to the next phase…
We headed out to the garage to put the Beast Rider on my bike. It took about 15 minutes the first time. I ride a 2005 Harley Electraglide with hard bags, so it was easy to pop them off and run the straps around the grip rails, through the bottom of the Beast Rider, then back around the other side to secure. Three more straps fasten around the back rest and we’re ready to go!
Step five…Barger’s first ride. After I put him in the seat and fastened the harness, he tried to jump out…but after he realized the he couldn’t stand up, move side-to-side or lay down, he resigned himself to trying it out. I put his K-Noggles on, (they are an awesome way to protect his eyes) and I couldn’t believe that he kept them on! He must have been preoccupied because the big moment had arrived…time for a ride!
I started the bike and he tried to bail out again. But after letting it idle for a bit, I praised him, fed him a treat and he settled in. I put the bike in gear, we rolled out of the driveway and, suddenly, we were riding buddies! Compadres on the open road, waiting to see what lay over the next hill! My head was filled with visions of Barger and me rolling into some far away town…pipes rumbling, ground shaking, looking for the next good time…when I realized that the car next to us was filled with kids who were pointing and laughing, I could see them mouthing “MOM! It’s a DOG on a MOTORCYCLE!” They were LOVING it! Sure I felt a little less tough, but it was great to see their reaction to Barg on the bike. But hey, don’t just take MY word for it, just ask the boy himself…..
(As interpreted by Dog Whisperer Dave Ledden)
Since getting to my human’s house I’ve had it made, with one exception. When he starts up that loud two-wheeled monster that he calls a “Hog” (I don’t know why. There’s no ham, bacon or any other pork products whatsoever on it. But you know what they say, “You can’t teach an old human new tricks” so I’ll humor him…”Hog” it is!) In the past when he would start up his “hog” I used to have to spend the day in my kennel. Well those days are behind me now! I’m a dog of the world now with new places to go and new rear ends to sniff!
My human got me a Beast Rider. Don’t let the name fool you, this isn’t one of “THOSE” kinds of things that he talks about on the radio…this is just for dogs. The Beast Rider is a comfy bed for me to ride with him on that noisy, over-glorified bicycle so I can get some wind in my fur!
When we are going to hit the highway my human puts me in my special leather harness. It’s different than the leather harnesses the humans in “THOSE MOVIES” he watches but it looks similar! It’s very well made and really comfortable. Gauging by the noise the actors make in “THOSE MOVIES” while wearing theirs, mine is far more accommodating but that’s a story for a different magazine!
My human had me wear the harness around a bit before taking a road trip. I didn’t even notice it until I heard some other people refer to me as “leather boy” and a “four-legged Rob Halford.” I don’t know who he is but I’m assuming he’s a fine leather aficionado like me.
Finally, after a few dress rehearsals I could hear the highway calling. The day came that he finally attached the Beast Rider to the back of his “hog.”
Once in my harness my human attaches me to the carrier. It’s hand-made, high quality leather and is lined with real sheepskin wool. No artificial substitutes for me; after all, I’m a dog-of-the-road now! Actually it’s really comfortable. For a few days my human let me sleep in it to get familiar with the Beast Rider and now it’s comfortable as an old fire hydrant to me.
My human also got me a pair of K-Noggles, which are little, dog-sized goggles. To be honest, I don’t mind wearing them on the road, but once we stop I want them off! He said they would protect my eyes from bugs and drying out so I’ll humor him to ride, but just between us dogs I don’t want to wear them any other time! The upside is when other humans see me in them the “Aw isn’t he cute?” comments flow like toilet water!
He fastened my carrier to the back of his “Hog” and then attached my harness to it. To be honest, I was a little unsure the first time we went for a ride. I mean, I knew the Beast Rider was safe; it was him that I didn’t trust! If I had a bone for every time that I watched this clown set off the smoke detector trying to make Pizza Rolls…! And this guy thinks he’s earned my confidence? Whatever!
Well he we are, the moment of truth: I’m attached securely into the Beast Rider. At the last minute I was a little unsure of his driving abilities so while he wasn’t looking I decided to bail out! You wouldn’t believe it, but I couldn’t get out! Not forward, not backward, not off the side! I wasn’t hurt or choking, just stuck on the side of his “hog”. Busted! All I could do was wait for him to come over and straighten me out! I was in it to win it now! I just hope he remembers to take me out after the ride and doesn’t forget me like that collection of antique Jack O’ Lanterns that decorate his front porch! OK, so I’m stuck in it so all I can do is cross my paws and hope for the best!
My human (be him as he is) puts my K-Noggles over my eyes. They attach both under my chin and behind my ears. We slowly begin to move. I’m a little uncertain of it at first but he seems to do better at this than his attempts at home repair or car mechanics, so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.
After a few miles I realize that this is the greatest sensation that a dog could have! It’s a lot like riding in a car with my head hanging out the window -- without the fear of him rolling my head up in the window -- again!
Finally we’re rolling up K-10. Obviously I would have preferred K-9 but he’s driving! Look at all the bitches (let the record show that this is not a human sexist statement, but rather grammatically correct canine terminology; so settle down, everybody!) Where was I? Oh yeah. Look at all the (ahem) female dogs checking me out! They are all stuck in cars. Ha! Silly window droolers! I tell them “I am a biker barker! If I had to explain you wouldn’t understand!” As we tool through neighborhoods, other envious pups bark at me from yards. I say “Oh, you poor cagers, I live to ride and ride to live! Maybe someday you can teach your human this trick but until then I roll solo!”
After a while I am completely at ease in my Beast Rider. I can sit, lie down, look around, curl up and take a nap, but finally the real test comes in and yes, I can even sit in the Beast Rider and lick myself in those oh-so-important places! Yep, I’m ready for Sturgis now!
All in all I would give the Beast Rider 4 out of 5 puppy lipsticks. The only way it could get better is if I drive and lock him in behind me!
--Barger Dare, Esquire
….So, in closing, all I can say is that the Beast Rider is everything it promises to be.
Quality workmanship, easy installation, and now I can spend even more time with my best friend.
Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’re off to get some wind in our fur...uh…hair.
*** For more information on the Beast Rider go to www.beastriders.com
